For The Love of Mary

The last India update

2011-07-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

My treatment in India is finished I am happy to announce. Jeff and I are in London for a few days of rest, quiet and eating! Cole is currently in Yakima with his cousins and Angie is at home with the dogs (I think).

I am very sad to say that Baby didn't make it out of India with me. It is difficult to accurately describe the process I went through to try to get her home with me. I really thought I had it when I managed to get the Vet to come to the clinic and give the necessary shots, found the exporter and the price was reasonable. I then had about 24hrs to find a kennel and thought mistakenly how hard can that be? I was unable to find a kennel or a pet store in a city of 7 million people. I know it sounds absurd but I couldn't find one. The places I found on line either no longer exsisted or it wasn't the right number or they hung up on me because I don't speak Telagu and they don't speak English. You would think I could have gotten someone to translate for me wouldn't you? If the street dogs weren't like rats to us I may have been able to. Also, if the Raju family (where I was staying) had condoned my efforts I would have gotten assistance from their "servants" (we call them staff). I was heart broken to leave her there. The night before we left she was more playful than I had ever seen her. She ran to greet me when she saw me and bounced her way back to the clinic. The female doctor, Gonga, at the clinic said she would feed her but I have serious doubts about that. It is common for them to tell you yes about anything and everything with no intention of following through.

I had my scans done in India and like everything else it was an adventure. Angie and I went by ambulance to the imaging facility because it was free that way. It was quite a ride. If you have Facebook I posted a few pictures of the ambulance and a video. They were supposed to pick us up at 6 am. They showed at 8 am. They went to the wrong place and we had to wait for Krishnaji to show up at the clinic to call and find out what happened. We returned to the clinic at 4 pm that day. The tests don't show any reduction in tumor size and there is a now measurable tumor in one of my kidneys. The previous scan showed what they call "nuclear activity", meaning tumors not yet measurable in size, in my kidneys and spleen. I don't know that 40 days of any treatment is really what could be considered a fair shot at a treatment modality. The good doctor has sent me home with some herbs, including the nasty tasting one called smirthi, and a treatment method called Takadara that Angie and or Jeff will have to administer for me. Dr. Krishna wants me to do Takadara for 14 weeks and then have my scans again. We will have to find a way for Jeff and Angie to administer the Takadara, as it is an unusual procedure that Krishna wants me to have on my head and my liver, but we will figure it out!

It is common practice for people to ask Krishnaji when he wants them to return for their next treatment. As I mentioned before people return to the clinic year after year because his results are hard to argue with. I did ask him when he wanted me to come back even though I didn't want to ask or know. He asked me when I wanted to come back? I answered truthfully and said "I don't want to come back Krishnaji. This has been very hard for me. I left my six year old son and husband for 2 months." He said "yes, yes" nodded his head and said "come back in 6 months and bring your family. We find an apartment for them to stay in while you in treatment during the day. At night you can be with them". That is not a common thing to do, in fact they tell you that kids aren't allowed to come. It was an extraordinary offer on Krishna's part. I will tell you I find it impossible to think about right now. It wouldn't be possible for Jeff and Cole to go with me in 6 months as Cole will be in the middle of a school year and hopefully Jeff will be employed by then. The thought of going back to India for another 40 days of treatment is beyond my capacity today. I will think about it LATER. MUCH LATER.

For now it is just nice to be in the company of my loving, faithful husband in a country where I can eat the food (meat), drink the water, speak the language, not have to take malaria pills or worry about mosquito's and to sleep in comfortable bed. Just to name a few things I am grateful for. Oh and my drinks can actually be cold and have ice. I am anxious to see Cole, wrap my arms around him and kiss him until he says "mom STOP", which won't take long I am sure.

On Jeff's journey to India his Cpap (breathing machine) was stolen or scanned in security and not put back into his luggage. When we flew back through Mumbai we went in search for it at the airport. WRONG MOVE! They directed us to another building and we made the BIG mistake of going outside to go to the other building. Once you step outside of building you can't get back in with out a boarding pass and the domestic and international flights are in different buildings. We stepped outside and the WOULD NOT let us back in to take the bus to the international building. We had to take a cab! The first cab we got into (with all our luggage) was VERY strange and when they wanted us to pay before hand I said "NO" and Jeff said "this doesn't feel right, let's get out". We quickly did. It is a good thing there were so many people around. We hauled our luggage back to the front of the building, hailed an employee and said please help us get a cab, which they did. This car was clearly marked like a cab. Forty five minutes and $40 later we were dropped at the international building........ One of the patients I was at the clinic with called things like this "Indian Torture". We left Mumbai 5 hrs ahead of the terrorist attacks!

Have I said yet that I am glad to be out of India? Angie is also glad to be out of India. As for Jeff, he has had to rent a Cpap machine in London, which they would only do for a month, not a week. He to is glad to be out of India!

If the treatment cures my cancer it is certainly is worth every second of seperation, inconvenience, expense and annoyance. If it doesn't, well, we made some new friends, learned a ton of new things and can check one more attempt of the list.

We will be home soon and I look forward to being in touch.

As always my love and gratitude,
Mary

Day 27

2011-06-22T04:16:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Hyderabad!

Angie arrived safe and sound. It is really wonderful to have her here. The good doctor told me my pulse was strong the last two days. I told him it was because my sister is here now and it makes me happy. He "yes, yes" nodding vigorously. Angie has done pretty well with the jet lag but is getting tired in the late afternoons. Everyone has told me how delightful, wonderful, sweet and beautiful she is. YEP, I know but thanks for saying so.

A few days ago I asked Krishna if he had treated carcinoid cancer before and he said "yes". I then asked if he had cured it and again he said "yes". Naturally I asked how long did it take and he said "it depends". So I tried a few other ways to get my question answered like how many times did they have to come? He said "it depends". Then I tried how long did they stay? He responded "all different times". OK it depends. Later I asked the female doctor, Gonga, if she had seen carcinoid cancer here. She said "yes" and that Krishnaji had in fact cured it! She continued saying Ayurveda cures many things western medicine can not. Now that is what I like to hear.

There are 14 patients here now so the place has gotten busy and more vibrant. Before I started into my next treatment series I asked the good doctor if I/we could go out for a meal. I was dying to eat my heart out! He said yes and recommended where we go. Angie, Ron (an Austrailian patient) and myself went to Film City. A place outside of Hyderabad where they make a lot of films. Did you know that India makes more movies per year than ANY other country? I didn't know that. There are a couple of hotels in Film City and we ate at one of them. It was DELIGHTFUL.... I was a really happy camper all day long. The food was great and we had fun. I managed to take a large bite of what I thought to be a snap pea that turned out to be a chile. The waiter told me what it was after I took the bite. We had cloth napkins and I could not spit it out. Oh man, was that baby HOT. My eyes watered, my nose ran and it would not stop. Of course I thought, great now I won't be able to taste anything. Nothing that disastrous happened. I just had to wait a good bit before I could go on eating but I recovered and went on to enjoy the rest of the meal. We all got a good laugh out of it.

Baby, the one eyed dog, is still with us and thriving. She has created quite a stir as of late. She went into heat and has attracked all of the other stray dogs. Particularly the males but the females have come to. This isn't a good thing. One stray dog was pushing it in this neighborhood. Now there is a pack. There are dog fights in the street and it has made many of the residents unhappy. One of the management called "the dog catcher" because they are getting brave. Baby, now used to being petted, has come looking for Kate and myself which means she is on the Raju Family's property. On the second and third floor. She had one boy dog following her around for several days and he wouldn't let any other dog close. I asked Harish, the family member that called the dog catcher to please not let them take Baby, that she is a good, gentle dog and won't hurt anyone. He said he can't have her laying in the stairwells with patients coming in the middle of the night. I told him I understood but to please not let them take her that I was trying to get her home. My concern was she would be beaten to death. He told me not to worry because whenever someone called it seemed the animals knew and they all disappeared. A funny thing occurred....they all disappeared, including baby. They were gone, gone, gone. You couldn't find any of them in the entire community. I thought they had captured the dogs. Not even close. Baby is back and her buddy comes and goes. I was relieved. Angie brought her a collar so even if they do show up they won't take her. It has been difficult to arrange to get her home. I know what I need to do to have it happen but making it happen in India is a different matter. I did find a pet exporter but he was outrageously expensive. I will keep looking for options and trying to get english speaking people on the phone (a major chore). She is such a sweet girl. I also found dog food for her at the store, which I am sure she has never had. She likes it and now refuses to eat rice. Go Baby!

I am doing well. I would still rather be home but I am feeling good. My energy has really improved and I am walking some, most days. I climb stairs many times a day and can tell it is making a difference. It is great to be feeling stronger. It has been a LONG time since I have felt this way. In theory I have 13 days of treatment left. Theory because the good doctor often changes his mind. I don't expect to be an exception to this. When I am done with treatment I will have the scans done and we will see what, if anything, has changed. One thing I forgot to mention before is Krishna is also an Allopathic doctor. He can call up a pharmaceutical company and get the peptides for me. He also is going to send me to the top Oncologist in Hyderabad and see what he recommends. I have been looking at the nueroendrocrine peptide in greater depth and have found literature that describes the side effects. They aren't good and I can't find out if they are temporary or not. I am hoping the Oncologist can answer that question. I don't know why I didn't think to look at the side effects before, but I didn't. They are significant effects including kidney damage. I won't be doing that if they are permanent.

Not surprisingly, I miss my boys. It is easily the hardest part of all of this. It hurts my heart.

They celebrated my birthday with me here by buying me a cake (thank you Kate) and singing to me. It was very sweet. The cake was one of the best cakes I have ever had and it had no eggs! They put an interesting "candle" on it. It was on a stand and looked a bit like a funnel. You light a red spot in the center of it (with incense of course) and it blooms (or bursts) open lighting six candles surrounding it. It then starts playing 'Happy Birthday'. A musical candle. They told me it would play all night. They had one patient put it in water to shut it up and it kept playing. I left it in the room we had cake in! I went back the next morning and it was indeed still playing. Made in China.

Jeff and Cole celebrated my birthday by having a surprise party for me and Skyping so I could see the party. It was VERY VERY sweet. It did make me a bit homesick but it was wonderful to see everyone there and I know they had a good time. There are pictures of it on Facebook.

I wish you were ALL here with me. It would make it so much easier. And just think of the memories we would have!!!

I am sending my love across the wi-fi and the ocean,
Mary

Week two completed

2011-06-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

And I want a big fat juicy STEAK with potatoes and gravy (beef). I would make a horrid vegetarian. I know you are pleased to hear this Jeff. He made me promise I wouldn't come back vegetarian. The food is good here but I often feel hungry. I really don't like feeling hungry. So American, I know. For all our countries faults I am happy to be from the USA.

I would like to dispel the notion in some people's minds that I am at a spa. I know the treatments sound WONDERFUL and many of them are. I assure you however, this is far from being a spa. I have taken pictures, but of course can't figure out how to download them here. Where are you when I need you Tyler? I am still computer illiterate. I have managed to figure out how to post them to Facebook so if you would like to see pictures of the treatment rooms and how I am fed look on Facebook. For those of you that don't have Facebook I'm sorry. Maybe some day I won't be illiterate. I eat from tins and the treatment beds are wooden slabs with holes in the ends of them for the liquids to drain out of. The drains are large plastic tubes. I have bruises on my bum, elbows and hips from laying on the beds. Some of the treatments you get to lay on plastic cushions that have foam in them. The plastic is hard and ALWAYS slippery cuz all the oil they use doesn't ever come up. Probably because they don't use soap when they wash them! The shower (they call it that, I would not) is a pipe coming out of the wall that sprays all over the room when you stand under it. They do have regular toilets, not holes in the floor like many places here, and for that I am grateful. Enough said.

Baby, the one eyed, no longer limping dog is doing quite well. She has a spring in her step and is wagging her tail when she sees me or Kate. People stare and make comments at us (which of course I don't understand) when they see us petting her but I don't much care. She is a sweet girl. I posted pictures of her on Facebook a few days ago. I have stopped a maid from pouring water on her, just to be funny, a street worker from hitting her with a hoe and one of the drivers from just maliciously scaring her. They are terrible to dogs here and it is making me crazy. I know, I know Jeff but I can NOT stand by and watch it happen. I CAN'T. Sorry. I am trying to find out what it will take to get her back to the States because when Kate and I leave her future looks grim. I promise to find her a home honey!!!

A very little gecko has taken up residence with me and I am enjoying watching him skitter around the room. Think I can make friends with him before I leave? No, Jeff I will not bring him home to. Promise.

Now that I have shared with you how computer illiterate I am (many of you know this to be true) I have to share a funny story. The house I am staying in has Wi-fi, mostly, but no one could remember the password so I could get on. When I wanted to use the computer I had to go across the street and hook up to Wi-fi there. At night when I could talk with Jeff and Cole on Skype I had to go sit in the Lobby of the Clinic. Not only was there no privacy but the mosquito's seem to love me here, even with repellent on. I kept asking Krishnaji, the good doctor, for the password. He would give me one, it wouldn't work and he would give me another. They never worked. I stopped asking but I kept trying to figure it out so I didn't have to go out at night. I went to have my pulse checked one morning, as I do every day, and said to Krishnaji "I am very proud of myself today". He naturally asked me why, to which I told him I had figured out the password at the house. He clapped his hands, laughed and said "you a good hacker". I then laughed and said "that is the funny part, I am virtually illiterate when it comes to computers". He threw his hands to the sky belly laughed and said "how you do it then"? To which I said "sheer determination". He got very serious and said "what the password? I have to writed down" and again he smiled.

It is with that sheer determination that I plan to find a cure for the cancer. I am very grateful to have the opportunity to be here. Good people are taking wonderful care of me and the good doctor is a marvel.

My love,
Mary

My first week in India

2011-06-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

Needless to say it has been an interesting experience. I have had eight days of treatments. They will change as I go along. This last week was oil messages, water treatment with boiled herbs poured over my body for 45 min, doughnut shaped dough over my lungs and small back filled with hot oil and pearls (yes pearls) and a cold treatment drizzled over my head. Their treatment beds are not like ours and I have had a hard time getting comfortable. The treatment that apparently puts everyone else asleep creates awful pain in my back. They are doing everything they can to make me comfortable but my scoliosis throws a wrench in things. Today was the most comfortable I have been.

I have felt good at times during the day and a few hours later can be feeling sick. It has happened repeatedly and am told it is normal. I was better today. I am grateful I haven't been prone to mood swings in my life cuz I will tell you they are no fun.

The herb I told you Krishnaji wants me to take 6 times a day called Smirthi is NASTY stuff. Most folks take it once a day. I have only managed to get to 4 times a day. It is actually a paste and most people just swallow it. I can't do it as it burns my throat terribly that way. I have to mix it with water and drink it. You won't find Smirthi if you google it as a few have already tried. The RAju Family are supposedly the only people on the planet that have this formula. It is supposed to trigger cellular memory. It triggers my gag reflex right now.

It remains hot and I think sometimes I may spontaneously combust.... It rained this afternoon which was pure joy for me. I went out and stood in it.

I have had my first true "Indian" experience. I was riding to treatment in one of their cars (I use that word car loosely) and was turned around talking to the women in the back seat and the door I was leaning against flew open. Out I started to go head first! The technician by the name of Vasomatti grabbed my arm and I grabbed the dash. PHEW. I didn't get hurt and we all got a good laugh out of it. Kate the other female patient here with me said when we were getting into the car "this car is TERRIBLE". She was right. She told the Doc the next morning what she thought of the car. She reminds me of Laurel and I am glad to have her here. She has been here 7 times and knows the ropes which has been helpful.

Their are wild dogs through out India and the people think of them the way we think of rats. It is quite sad to me. They are obviously starving and they run in packs like in Mexico just to survive. There is a female that has taken to sleeping in front of the clinic. She has only one eye, she limps and has clearly just had puppies that are no where to be found. She is sad beyond belief. Kate and I have taken to feeding her and petting her which brings all kinds of strange reactions from the people here. We are calling her baby. She saw me get out of the car today and came running toward me wagging her tail. We hadn't seen that before. It made both Kate and I happy. We recognize it may be awful for her again when we leave but for a time she will have some love. I wish I could bring her home with me! What do you think Jeff????? Don't answer that I already know.

I have to go my technician has shown up to give me my evening foot message and head treatment.

Aside from missing my boys terribly I am doing just fine. Counting down the days until Aunt G gets here.

I hope you all are well and that the sun has started to shine in Seattle.

Love to all,
Mary

I'm in India

2011-05-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

I made it, 38 hrs later I am here. I have been here for 24 hrs and have a few first impressions. The sun never stops shinning here. It was 98 degrees when I arrived here yesterday. Coming from the rain it is a welcome change. One of the first things I noticed is 99.5% of the women have long hair and few of them go gray even in later years. Then on the plane from Mumbai to Hyderabad NO one spoke until the plane was about to land. I have never been on a plane that quiet and it was full. The ride into the clinic was a delight of sight, sound and smells. There really are cows walking down the center of busy paved streets and people herding sheep across their major highways. Everyone stops and lets them pass. They honk at one another constantly but don't at the animals. Maybe they know it won't work. They have many wondering dogs, much like Mexico, that no one is caring for.

There are 9 of us at the clinic now. It holds 26. It is their slow season due to the heat. On Sunday there will be 3 of us left. A week from Sun there will be 2 of us. If no one comes after that I will be there only patient. I should get some GOOOD looking after don't you think. Since there are so few of us here the Raju Family is cooking for us instead of the regular cooks. To my benefit I understand, as the food is usually bland. It is quite good, thank goodness. You know how I like good food.

I met the Dr. this am. Nothing in my realm of experience with doctors was like this. He asked me what the doctors told me. Read my large medical file, took my pulse and said they will give a packet of herbs but "you take nothing without checking with me first. Take Smithi (an herb) 6 times a day, drink hot water for your cough and most importantly you must be brave." That got me to smile and I said to him "I am nothing if not brave. That one I have covered." He smiled for the first time and said "good, good, most important part." He than said they will come and get you for your first treatment and that was that.

I did have my first round of treatments today and it was a series of the most wonderful messages, oils, buttermilk, head rubs, poundings, water pourings and hot oils. That goes on 7 days a week. My smirthi was just delivered. The herb the doc has recommended I take 6 times a day. It has honey in it so it can't taste that bad. We will see at 3:30 this morning, or 3:00 pm your time.

I have talked to Jeff and Cole on Skype and FaceTime and they seem so close. Before I left town we had a slew of visitors and on Monday Cole asked me if he could talk to me in his room. He proceeded to ask me if I could have them all go home and just have family time. I told him we were going to have all day on Tues together and he didn't have to go to school. He seemed ok with that. He went to TaeKwonDo, earning his second stripe on his yellow belt, came home and Deborah Juarez was visiting. She had been there shortly before he left for TaeKwonDo. He went to his room got his semi-automatic nerf gun, came into the hallway and shot Deborah directly in the head! I guess he wasn't satisfied with we will have family time tomorrow. She turned her head away as to not laugh and handled it with the grace that only Deborah could. It helps that she has raised 4 children of her own and adores kids. Kids will always let you know what is going on if given an opportunity. My little Assasin. Naturally he claims he wasn't aiming at her....

Angie is coming on June 17th and Jeff on July 11th. They will be welcome sights.

My love to all,
Mary

India here we come!

2011-04-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Spring! Yes, but where is it? There are a few rays of sunshine out today and it would be nice if it would stick around a while. (said by a woman that LOVES the rain)

Well I finally submitted to the scans to see what, if anything, was happening to the tumors. I also had the tumor markers taken and the results are mixed. While two of my tumor markers were normal one of them was elevated. The most "accurate" marker was once again normal which it has been four of the last five tests. I do attribute that to Protocel the supplement I am currently using. The serotonin was four times what it should be. The scans show some growth in two of the tumors, one in my liver and one in my stomach. The growth is 3mm, very small. There is also a new tumor in my neck that appears to be in lymph which isn't terribly surprising since we have known it is in my lymph system. Matt, the oncologist, says the Protocel isn't working. I am just not ready to say that yet, with the most sensitive marker being normal four times in the last eight months, so I continue taking the Protocel. I am having another MRI this week or next to have a better look at the tumor in my neck and to check the white spots they found in my brain over a year ago. The white spots are not "supposedly" related to the cancer.

While I am not willing to concede that the Protocel isn't working the news has spurred me to make our arrangements to go to India where we will locate (somehow) the nueroendrocine peptides that I can't get in this country. We have also made the decision for me to stay in an Ayurvedic Hospital for treatment. The nueroendrocine peptides and ayurveda are completely separate treatments. Ayurveda is the oldest medicine in the world and it is ALL natural. We have chosen the facility that I will be at and it is in Hyderabad, India. They have asked me to stay for 50 days to start with and I will do that. We have also found a western medicine doctor there that is trying to help us locate the peptides. I have sent the formula we are looking for and are waiting to hear back from them. Beyond that we don't have anything else in place. We are applying for visa's and trying to work out all the details of how to make this all happen. I do know that Jeff will be with me for part of my stay and Angie is going to join me for part of it also. The Ayurvedic facility lets someone come and stay with you for peanuts a day. I am very grateful for that. There are MANY MANY pieces to this complicated puzzle, that have been overwhelming at times, but I am certain it will happen. My hope is that we will make it there by the end of May. There may not be any reality to that time frame but I am shooting for it anyway. "God Willing and The Creek don't Rise".

I continue to steam, take Vit D and go to nuerofeedback (biofeedback of the brain). My Vit D plummeted from 80 to 61 last testing. I thought I was having a reaction to it, stopped it for only a week, then lowered my dose to 8,000 IU/day. What I had was Impetigo not a reaction to D. In that short period of time my D dropped markedly. The moral of the story is don't stop taking your D even for a week. I was surprised!

I have been meaning to tell you about the nuerofeedback I have been doing for over a year and keep forgetting. I have been seeing Bev Brashen for this specialty treatment. It is very much like biofeedback of the brain and helps to re-regulate the brains natural, healthy patterns. It has a fascinating history and great success with many disorders including epilepsy, depression, ADD/ADHD, anxiety, sleep and addictions just to name a few. It has helped me to regulate my life long sleep disturbance and bolstered my immune system. It also relaxes me deeply. I have loved doing it and am forever grateful to Bev for having suggested it. Naturally, it has been shunned from mainstream medicine because the pharmaceutical companies can't make any money on it and they can't control it. Do I sound bitter? I really am not. I have just learned more than anyone would want to know about how medicine works, or doesn't, in this country. That is NOT an indictment on the marvelous doctors that practice medicine to help people. We have encounter many such docs on our journey.

We all continue to be unemployed in our household but it has been quite a blessing, in disguise, of course. Jeff is still looking for work and I am glad he hasn't taken anything he hasn't felt really good about. Call me selfish, but I want him to go to India with me! I know he has been happy to spend so much time with Cole and me. Angie being willing and able to come to India and stay at the hospital with me, while observing the treatments, will be a wonderful addition to her education at Bastyr. Cole won't be going to India with us for many reasons. Maybe next time.

Saving the best for last... I want you to know I feel better than I have in two years. Most of my energy has returned and my mind finally seems to have been mostly restored. I can hold information for longer periods of time and my tracking has definitely improved. I am looking forward to trying to regain some of my physical strength and stamina. The plan is for things to keep looking up.

I will keep you posted as India unfolds and definitely from India.

Many blessings,
Mary

Happy New Year

2011-01-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

It is a Happy New Year in our house. We got the blood work back from the latest screening and we are once again doing the happy dance. This time there is no roller coaster ride just dancing and thanking the good Lord. The most sensitive marker is Chromogranin A and is indicative of cancer growth. The normal range is 0-50. Last time my chromogranin was 100. This time it was 5. Yes 5! 5, 5, 5, 5, 5. Serotonin is also measured and normal is 0-220. Last time mine was over 1000. This time it was 46. Yep, you are reading right 46. Serotonin in massive doses like I had is what ultimately damages the heart, as it floods from the liver to the heart, and is also partly responsible for the flushing I experience. I didn't have scans done so we don't know if the cancer is receding or not. I will have those nasty scans next month (I keep saying that)! The other test that showed improvement was my Vit D. It went from 71 to 80. The Vit D council recommends that people with chronic illness have a level from 80-100. Which reminds me. Have you all had your D checked? Ya, here I go again. Vitamin D is involved in over 2000 gene's. Which means it has a TON to do with your long term health and even more important, healing. PLEASE, get your D checked. It's easy and cheap.

Next week marks the two year anniversary of the bilateral mastectomy and the beginning of a long arduous journey. Jeff and I were talking about the first surgery and it feels more like ten years than two. I will have my sixth and hopefully final surgery a week from today. So much has happened in the last two years that it is just simply hard to take it all in and sift through it.

Over the holidays I started rereading the best of the cancer books I've collected and was reminded of the significant difference that friends and family make on a cancer patients survival. Cancer patients survive up to 60% longer when they have a good support system in place. Here's how I figure it... I have a much better than good support system. I have an UNBELIEVABLE support system so I'm thinking my survival must be up to 100% and we can just beat this damned disease. I know all of you have wanted to do something, anything to help and those studies prove YOU HAVE. It has made all the difference in the world and then some. Jeff and I feel grateful (understatement) and blessed.

Jeff is still looking for work. We have had a wonderful few months hanging out together. He has gotten serious about his job search and things have started to look more promising. I think he is ready to go back to work. It has been really great for me and I will miss not having him here all the time.

Cole's newest adventure is Tae Kwon Do. White Gee and all. So if he "hi ah's" you, I apologize! It is delightful to watch and his master is wonderful with the kids. There are little 9 yr old black belts. Holy Cow! Cole's school teacher told us last week that she is sure Cole now understands everything she is saying in Spanish (he is in Spanish Immersion school) as he is translating it all to English, out loud of course, and she has to stop him. He is reading in Spanish as well. We are really pleased that he will be bilingual in a short time.

Aunt G (Angie) is still living with us and continues with her studies at Bastyr. She remains a ray of sunshine in my life as those of you that know her can easily see. Jeff teases her, as only brothers can do, that Cole will be leaving home before her!

I wish you all a loving, joyous and healthy year.

My love,
Mary

AND it's hard not to be disappointed!

2010-10-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

If you read yesterday's blog and are now reading this one you have effectively gotten on the roller coaster with us and it is headed down. I used to really like roller coasters.

The Chromogranin A came back today and it was elevated to 100. It was 35 and normal. It is no longer normal and almost three times what it was.

We have no idea what, if anything, is affecting the numbers. It is certainly the big question I wish we had an answer for. I will stay the course for at least nine more months and keep looking and researching.

Needless to say we are disappointed. The nice thing about feelings is they change and sometimes VERY quickly. Tonight is better than earlier today and tomorrow will be even better. I am glad to be of the 'fighting Irish descent'.

I do appreciate hearing from so many of you and especially liked how many of you did the 'happy dance'. Your texts and emails have made me smile through the day. Just wish I had pictures of you all doing it!

We got a(singular) taker for the free child. It happens to be my first cousin & his wife. Bless you both. I suppose it's only right for the reign of terror to stay in the family. Please notice the Aunt & Uncle who bought the semiautomatic weapon did NOT offer to take the free child.

Thanks for your love and prayers. Keep them coming.

Many blessings,
Mary

It's hard not to get excited

2010-10-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

It would probably be in my best interest if I were cautiously optimistic. Cautious isn't really my nature however so I am just flat excited. I had blood work done last week and got two of the results yesterday. My seratonin & histamine have BOTH come down almost 400 points. I know that doesn't mean much to most of you but trust me it is good news. They have never been headed down together at the same time and they have never dropped 400 points. The histamine has less than 200 points to drop to be in the normal range. The seratonin has to drop more than 500 to be within normal range.

I also found out yesterday that my cromogranin A, the most accurate marker for tumor growth, was within normal range last time. I somehow misunderstood the doc last time and thought it was still high. IT WASN"T. No wonder he was so dang curious about what I am doing to beat this damned disease. I haven't gotten the results back from the cromogranin A yet. They should be in later in the week. I will post the results.

My treatment regimen consists of Protocel, steaming and Nuerofeedback. I take Protocel four times a day. It is being "called" a dietary supplement but was developed to cure cancer. I am steaming two hours a day and going for Nuerofeedback twice a week. Nuerofeedback is much like biofeedback except it is on the brain. The idea is to reset the brain waves to their "factory settings" where the body functions at optimal levels. I believe these three things are what have brought my levels done.

We are doing the "Happy Dance" at our house. Want to come do it with us? You could. Really! The fund raising committee is having one more event this year and it is The Safari Party. Named such because an African Photo Safari is being given away as a door prize. NO KIDDING. If you haven't gotten any info and would like some let me know by posting a comment here, on my facebook account or via email and I will make sure you get it. We will be doing the "Happy Dance" there to!

On the home front Cole turned six last week and we celebrated by having 17 kids, for a party, at the house. Yes we have lost our minds! He had a blast. Well, until the next day that is. He stayed up to late with his cousins and Aunts and was in RARE form by Sunday evening. About 5 pm we sent his friends home because he was in a foul mood and crabbing at them. At 6 pm we sent him to his room because he shoved his dinner plate away saying "I'm not eating that". We then put a sign in the front yard that said child for sale. When he stormed out of his room a few minutes later and announced demandingly he was hungry we crossed out for sale and put FREE!

Cole's Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Pat somehow saw it necessary to buy Cole a Nerf gun that easily could pass for an automatic weapon. It holds six D batteries and came with five ammunition clips just to give you some idea of the power it packs. You have to go in another room to talk on the phone when it is blasting away because you can't hear. I told my Aunt Bonnie about the gift and she said "Well that was nice of them. You can thank them by buying them a puppy. Get them a terrier." Don't you think that is a fabulous idea? Aunt Bonnie is all Blackburn and I LOVE HER.

Jeff is still out of work and we are both enjoying him being around all the time. Reality will happen soon enough. He is looking for work in his spare time. ;)

The Ibach house sends their best to you all for a peaceful holiday season. Yep it's coming!

My love,
Mary

Chapter 30 - As summer fades and turns to fall

2010-08-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am certain I will spend the rest of my days wondering if I have sufficiently been able to thank people for their love, kindness, generosity and support the last 20 months. There isn't a way to effectively put to words all that it has meant to me and my family. I suppose it's not a bad thing wonder about. Our lives would be very different without having received these gifts.

We got some VERY GOOD news on Monday this week. I had my 3 month blood levels taken. The most sensitive marker for cancer activity is called Chromogranin A. The last test taken it was at 60 which is very high. This time it was at 35. Still very high but moving in the right direction. Even my Oncologist was very interested in what the new protocol I am using is doing. When this all started my chromogranin A was at 120. Off the charts. It keeps coming down. In May I stopped using the peptides and in June started using a product called Protocel. It has a fascinating history behind it much like Burzynski's peptides. There are 4 great chapters on Protocel, formally called Cancel, in a book named How to Outsmart Your Cancer by Tanya Pierce. We are keeping our fingers crossed and saying our prayers.

On Sept 11th we are hosting a Gold Rush B-Bque at our house starting at noon. Kids are welcome and they will have games such as panning for gold. We are collecting that old gold laying around in your jewelry box, not being worn and having it melted down. Proceeds will go into the medical fund. Please join us with or without gold.

A follow up on my last post about Freedom. Her handler Jeff Guidry has published a book that is now on the shelves called An Eagle Named Freedom. It is a beautiful story with a happy ending. I understand Costco is carrying it. I was so pleased to hear it. I hope it is hugely successful.

We had a bit of a bump in the road last week. Jeff lost his job. He was working in the building supply industry for the last 4 years and we all know how well that market has faired. We of course are hoping it means a better opportunity is out there waiting to appear. For now we are going to enjoy spending more time together.

Cole starts school (kindergarden) on Monday and we are all excited about that. He got into the Spanish Immersion school which teachs only in Spanish. We are thrilled. We met his teacher on Weds night and got to see him sitting at his little desk with all the other 5 year olds. Adorable.

I hope everyone has enjoyed their summer. Ours has been very busy and I am looking forward to fall. My favorite time of year.

My Love,
Mary

June 19, 2010 - Gay Bingo

2010-06-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

Superhero Bowling Bash! July 25, 2010 (1pm - 3pm)

2010-06-14T10:31:00.001-07:00

For more Information Visit:

http://tiny.cc/facebook_fortheloveofmary

Chapter 29 - Latest Test Results - What Next?

2010-06-02T02:03:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

How has it become June already?

We have the latest test results and it seems that much has been happening. I look back and wonder how I ever managed to work for a living. Of course the circumstances were different then but the days just seem to melt away before me.

My mom passed away in April after many years of physical and mental suffering. She contracted pneumonia and made her own choice to stop the antibiotics when they discovered they weren't working. She passed peacefully with no anguish. I think it was as graceful as it could be. My family all had the opportunity to spend time with her and to say goodbye. Death is never pretty but my immediate and my extended family loved on her until the moment she left us. I am proud of how well mom was taken care of by all of us. My nephews and nieces were exceptional.

We got the results from all the testing on May 10th. The Carcinoid cancer remained unaffected by the peptides so after 7 1/2 months we stopped the regimen. Mostly I want you to know that I am not disappointed. Given what Jeff and I know about Carcinoid we were fully aware going in we may have to try 8 or 10 alternative methods before we find a cure so this was simply the first. We do know it removed all of the precancerous spots from my face and hands and are betting on it having destroyed any lingering breast cancer cells that may have been there. We got to meet Dr. Stanislaw Burzynski on two occasions and will always hold him in high regard. He has dedicated his life to saving lives and has risked everything to continue doing his job because he cares about his patients more than he cares about his reputation. A man of honor in my opinion.

What next?

The next order of business is to get rid of the toxic levels of mercury, arsenic and lead I have in my system. I will go back to steaming everyday building up to two hours a day and taking chelation supplements to help eliminate them more quickly. I am hoping I can be rid of them within a couple of months. I go back to Bastyr next week to have my levels checked and will do so every three to four weeks until they are gone.

Then I will start on a protocol by the name of Protocel. It is listed as a "supplement" but was developed by a biochemist, Jim Sheridan, from this country many years ago. He, like Burzynski, ran into all kinds of obstacles from the FDA, Government and United States Postal Service. Jim Sheridan has as rich and interesting of a story as Burzynski. There are two very good things about the Protocel. One, it is inexpensive and two, there are NO side effects. If I never see side effects again it will be to soon.

As I am using the Protocel we will make our contacts with the people in India to try and have the nueroendrocine peptides manufactured there. It is likely we will make at least one trip to India. Nueroendrocine peptides would be number three on the list of attempts to ditch the cancer.

As you can see I/we continue to plan and be proactive. There isn't grass growing under our feet.

We as a family are doing well I think. Cole will start school in the fall and was lucky to be lotteried into the Spanish Emersion Program with Bellevue public schools. We couldn't be more thrilled. It is hard for Jeff and I to believe he is starting school this fall. Angie is thankfully still living with us and attending Bastyr.

Jeff and I hope each and everyone of you are finding joy and loving well.

My love,
Mary

Chapter 28 - "Freedom"

2010-04-05T01:52:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I realize it has been a while since I have been in touch and for the most part no news is good news. There hasn't been anything medical to report. I will have scans done & tests taken at the end of April and once again what we do next will depend on the results. The best I can say is stayed tuned.

Well, I said I wanted to have fun this year but what took place on March 21st was beyond my wildest imagination. I keep thinking if I let it digest I will better be able to describe how I felt about my experience. Nothing brilliant has occurred to me so I am just going to have to do my best.

Meet Freedom and Jeff Guidry. Theirs is a remarkable story of healing. I won't tell you anymore but to google Jeff Guidry and Freedom and read a small part of their story. Jeff has a new book being released in May by Harper Collins called "An Eagle named Freedom".

I obviously had the distinct pleasure of meeting Jeff and Freedom. It was a day I will never forget. Being in the presence of this magnificent creature and her loving handler was a deeply moving experience. Jeff went and got her and brought her to us standing 10 -15 feet away. He told us she was "a little squirrelly today" being spring and all. She was squawking and flapping her wings. Jeff said to me "come on over here Mary". "You need to come into her space." I walked over and stood beside them. Oh my gosh I am standing INCHES from a Bald Eagle. She was immediately still and leaned into Jeff a bit all the while giving me a good look over. I was giving her a good look over to because she was so incredibly beautiful that I was awestruck. I have no idea how long we stood there. I could have stayed forever. My Jeff was there taking lots of picture along with the wonderful people (Drew & Brenda) responsible for us meeting Jeff and Freedom. Everyone was visiting but I have no recall of what was said.
Then much to my surprise Jeff Guidry handed me a glove and said put this on. No, No way. I am going to get to hold this stunning animal? It NEVER crossed my mind that that would be a possibility. Jeff said she wouldn't always do it but we could try. Freedom got on my arm. She got on my arm and immediately put her right wing around me! She left her wing around me the entire time I was holding her. Iwas holding a Bald Eagle who had come back from deaths door. I really can not begin to describe how it felt. The air around me, her, was perfectly still and remarkably peaceful. There was this fabulous peace. I have never before felt this way. All I could do was look at her. She has brilliant yellow circles around the outer part of her eyes that were the same color as her beak. The feathers between her beak and eyes look soft and wispy. Her head was as white as white can be. Though she can't fly she feels strong and confident. She ruffled her head feathers for me and puffed up her chest. I told her how beautiful she was. She seems to know!
As she stood on my arm she started turning toward me to the point I was backing away because I didn't want to startle her by talking to loud or laughing. Freedom continued to pursue me. A few of the pictures show her stretching her neck to come closer to my face. Jeff said "she likes you. She won't let just anyone hold her." I asked if I could touch her. Jeff said "put your nose on her beak". Every neuron in my body fired at the same time. I could hardly believe what he just said. I put my nose on Freedom's beak and I cried. I am holding an Eagle and touching her beak with my nose. She let me touch her. I am blessed. She has blessed me. The humility that coursed through me was palpable. The air left my lungs and for a moment I couldn't make sense of what had just occurred. My mind returned and I felt deeply honored. Once again I felt like I could stay there forever. I thanked her for letting me hold her and for spending time with us and for behaving with such grace.

Reality set in at some point and she started getting heavy. I eventually gave her back to Jeff and pictures were taken with Brenda and my Jeff. Freedom was shortly there after returned to her home which is out at Sarvey Wildlife Center. We were also treated to getting to watch her bathe. Jeff said she doesn't usually let people watch her bathe or eat. It seemed like we got lots of special treatment that day. It was unequivocally and utterly a highlight in my life.

This wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted to have fun but I will take it and keep it very close to my heart. Before I go to sleep at night I picture Freedom sitting on my arm with her wing around me and I am at peace.

To Jeff and Freedom I offer my deepest heartfelt gratitude.

To Brenda and Drew our new friends, you went way out of your way, for pretty much complete strangers, to provide us with an experience of a lifetime just because you are those kinds of people. Wow how lucky can we get. You shared your time and yourselves with us. Thank you for your thoughtful kindness. The world has good people in it and the two of you are proof.

My love to you all,
Mary

Chapter 27 - Results are Mixed - January 14

2010-03-29T23:56:00.001-07:00

“My spirit has returned and that makes me happy!”
“It was a year ago on Tues that I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer. “
“…2009 just plain sucked.”
“I want to enjoy this year by laughing a lot and doing fun things…come out and play with me and my fantastic family.”

Happy New Year everyone,

I wanted to let everyone know that I have the results of my 3 months tests and scans. Without boring you with details what it boils down to is, the results are mixed. The tumors have not grown in size, good news. But all of the hormone markers are elevated. Some are down from the original tests in May but they are still all above normal. Dr. Burzynski has requested that I come back to Houston and they will add two medications to the Peptides I am already taking. One of the meds is an anti rejection drug used in transplant patients. An immunosuppressant drug. The other is a med used in liver and renal cancer patients. I find those and interesting combination of drugs and I promise not to bore you with the details. I won't know until next week whether the drugs will be administered orally or IV. Regardless we will head back down to TX and we suspect we will be there about 4 days again. We won't know that for sure until I start the drugs and they watch for side effects. I am hoping for about 4 days. It may just be wishful thinking but 4 sounds good don't you think?

The last three months haven't been particularly easy from a side effect stand point but a few weeks ago the depression started to lift for some unknown reason and my thinking seems more clear. I am grateful for the change as it makes life much easier. My spirit has returned and that makes me happy!

It was a year ago on Tues. that I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I won't regurgitate the happenings of the year because in this house 2009 just plain sucked. The entire flipping year. Enough said! I do have several things on the wish list for this year with the first being a boob job. Burzynski doesn't want me having it during treatment (understandable) so I have to wait until I am done in Houston. It's high on the list!!!! I also want to have loads and loads and loads of fun. I want to enjoy this year by laughing a lot and doing fun things. I am hoping you can all come out and play with me and my fantastic family. It just HAS to be fun.

The Ibach's hope to see all of you this year. It was hard to stay in touch and the side effects make emailing hard for me. I am hoping the website can be updated regularly so that you are all kept informed.

My love,
Mary

Chapter 26 - Peptide Treatments - November 2

2010-03-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

“ALL OF THOSE SPOTS ARE GONE. GONE! “

I have been on the peptide treatments for a month now and am tolerating them fairly well. Some of the early symptoms I had are subsiding and others building. The dizziness is mostly gone so I am able to drive, at least during day light hours. The mental confusion seems to be worse at the end of the day when the level of meds in my system are at their highest. My body is experiencing the muscle soreness that is expected. Before I started on the meds I had 7 pre-cancerous spots on my face and hands that I kept saying to Jeff "I have to go have those burned off". I didn't do it for several reasons. Much to my delight, within three weeks of starting on the meds and using Dr. Burzynski's moisturizing cream ALL OF THOSE SPOTS ARE GONE. GONE! No where to be found. He has also had great success with skin cancers. YEA.... It also of course means I don't have to see yet another doc. for which I am grateful.

Emailing is difficult for me at this point and takes me a very long time so I am not likely to be doing it as often as I was. I will do my best to keep people informed or ask someone else to update everyone.

Sending my love. Take your D.
Mary

Chapter 25 - A Full-Time Job - September 28

2010-03-29T23:54:00.002-07:00

“I have mercury & arsenic poisoning.”
“I…started treatment at The Burzynski Clinic on the 22nd.”
“I am taking antineoplastons = sodiumphenylbuterate (PB) and amino acids (A2-10). I take 6 PB's and 2 A2-10's 6 times a day every 2 hrs until the regimen of 6 is complete. “
“I cried when I dropped Lillian off at the airport.”
“Catherine has been a silent, watchful angel in a way that no one else could be.”

Hello Everyone,

Well, I meant to write an update before I left for Houston to start treatment and that didn't happen so I am going to catch you up from Houston. Steaming, taking all my supplements and going to my appts has been a full time job.

To the update, which some of you know about. I have mercury & arsenic poisoning. Yes.... Bastyr was having me steaming for detox and when they found the heavy metals added a boat load of supplements a day to try to eliminate as much as possible. One capsule I take 18 of a day. Gulp. I am taking 10 different supplements a day and several of them 3x's a day. I understand each of their purposes so I see them all as worthwhile. But it is a boat load. Then there was more bad news from the MRI of my brain. I have over 20 small holes in the white matter in my brain. Matt (Oncologist) says it isn't cancer. The spots on my liver weren't cancer to begin with either if you recall. He said it could be hypertension (don't have it), diabetes (don't have it), MS or Lupus. They will watch it. He did say high levels of mercury or arsenic could cause those holes. Obviously, it is important to do what I can to get rid of the mercury & arsenic.

I came to Houston on Sept 21st and started treatment at The Burzynski Clinic on the 22nd. I was told to be prepared to stay for 3 weeks. Several people were trading places to come and be with me so I wouldn't be alone. I was told today, after only a week on the meds that I can come home. HOORAH. I have handled the medicine well and all my tumor markers came back negative (which doesn't really mean much with carcinoid cancer) so they are discharging me. I am taking antineoplastons = sodiumphenylbuterate (PB) and amino acids (A2-10). I take 6 PB's and 2 A2-10's 6 times a day every 2 hrs until the regimen of 6 is complete. I don't even want to count how many pills I am taking a day but it is a ton and I am going to take every last one of them until they tell me to stop!

The fact that I get to come home 2 weeks early makes me VERY happy. I even started to work out again while here which has been a taste of heaven. Have managed 4 work outs and plan a 5th tomorrow. I am coming home on Weds. Lillian came down with me and I would say really went to great lengths to get on the same flight as me. She is a doc so I felt very taken care of those first few days here. She asked good questions to the docs at Burzynski and it made me feel protected to have her along. She also was the oomph I needed to start working out again. Lillian and Joe, Jeff and I are forever grateful. I cried when I dropped Lillian off at the airport. I hated to see her go.

Catherine came in the next day and has been with me since. She had a wonderful idea on Friday and said let's drive to New Orleans tomorrow. So we did. It was a great distraction and quite interesting. The city is still in its recovery stage and the damage clearly evident. Catherine's daughter was at Burzynski 12 years ago and it has been helpful to have her tell me Tami had that happen to. She recognizes the side effects and that is nice. Catherine has been a silent, watchful angel in a way that no one else could be. You all have seen Catherine's name by many times by now as she has been the one rallying the troops for the fundraising. Jeff and I couldn't even begin to find a way to say thank you Catherine if we tried. But we are going to try with our undying love! I get to fly home with Catherine on Weds (thanks to Sonja, HS).

I get to go home and see my boys!!!! Cole told his Aunt Stephanie while I was away that his mom was a very smart woman. Then waving a finger with a twinkle in his eye said "but I am smarter" as he proceeds to tell them about the times he has twicked (tricked) me. Unfortunately, some of those times really did happen. He is his father’s son! And I hope he is smarter than me.

If you haven't been able to tell I am excited to be coming home. The side effects have been minimal by comparison. I have had some dizziness and confusion. I am not going to complain about those small things. Well maybe to Jeff I will. Sorry babe.

I will have scans redone in 3 months and we will know from the results what to do next. Fight ON. Your love and support has been phenomenal and we hope to return it someday. For different reasons!

My love, my blessings,

Chapter 24 - Hugs from Hope - August 15

2010-03-29T23:54:00.001-07:00

Hi Mary,

Uncle Jerry forwarded me your email update so I could get on your mailing list - hope that is okay :)

After reading this a few times......

MD Anderson = Bastards
Radiation & Chemo = Rat Bastards
Nazir = Angel
Matt = Wonderful, Not a Rat Bastard Oncologist like others who shall remain un named here
Cole = Cutie Patootie
Jeff = Younger Husbands ROCK! hee hee
Switzerland = It's boring all that neutrality - take a side for Christ Sake! The cheese will make you constipated and lactose intolerant. Swiss Cheesey Bastards. (Sorry Margaret!)
India = Place of Healing as USA and FDA has stick up their Rat Bastard Asses
You = The Will & The Power (also the Green Lantern according to little Anton)
Cancer = Biggest Rat Bastard of All
Love = from me to you and Anton and Little Anton and Oly and Josh and Laurel cuz I asked her and she said she sends it and she agrees with the Rat Bastardness.
Love Love Love
(((Hugs)))

Hope

Chapter 23 - How's Your D? - August 7

2010-03-29T23:53:00.000-07:00

“…I am going to Bastyr….”
“…we have to think outside the box.”
“I will keep investigating India.”
“Switzerland is not out of the picture but on the back burner. “
“…Matt said we have time to try one thing at a time.”

Hello Everyone,

We'll we went to see Matt Lonergan, oncologist, yesterday and have a tentative plan. Next week I am going to Bastyr to be detoxed. I don't know how long that will take but I imagine at least 2 weeks. Since traditional western medicine has nothing to offer me/us we have to think outside the box. We are going to try Dr. Burzynski in Houston. I say that with a caveat. I have recently gotten information on cancer treatment in India (thank you Nazir, I love you) and we are exploring what they have to offer. Yesterday Matt spoke very highly of Indian medicine and their ability to do what others won't. For now, we will plan on going back to Houston for peptide treatment with Burzynski, probably in Sept. That treatment protocol could last anywhere from 6 months to a yr. I will keep investigating India.

Switzerland is not out of the picture but on the back burner. They use radioisotopes that cause damage to kidneys and lungs. I would rather not put radioactive substances in my body if at all possible. If nothing else works I will do that but as Matt said we have time to try one thing at a time. For that I am VERY grateful.

Because we are thinking outside of the box insurance won't cover out of country or Burzynski. Is anyone surprised? Many friends have offered to do some fund raising events for us. You might imagine how tough that is for this Red-headed Irish woman! But I recognized we can't do this without help. I have to be around to watch my son grow into a man more than I need my ego or my pride. With that said you will all be hearing from friends, most likely through email, letting you know about these events. Forgive me, but I am passing along your email address so they can contact you. In the subject line they will use my name so if it goes into junk you will recognize it.

I am very glad to be home. Didn't like MD Anderson at all. The best thing that came out of it was we met a family from Dubai that was delightful. The dad studied at Seattle U years ago. They may come to Seattle before returning home. It would be fantastic to see them again.

My spirits are good and it is partially due to all of you for your encouragement to fight on. I am feeling pretty good physically to. I get tired easily or more easily than before all the surgeries but I make it through most days without napping. Jeff has also felt very encouraged by all of your support. He is also a fighter he just does it more quietly than me, or more graciously. Cole handled MD Anderson very well because Aunt Bobbie was there to play with him (thanks Bobbie) and he got to swim every day sometimes twice a day. When we landed back in Seattle while still on the plane he started singing "I wish I were back in Texas". He is a good little traveler.

We are leaving town this weekend for a family reunion with the Ibach's in Yakima. Going toward the sun.

My love to you all,
Mary

Chapter 22 - MD Anderson - July 31

2010-03-29T23:52:00.000-07:00

“She is not eligible for any clinical trials at MD Anderson.”
“…considering peptide treatments from the Burzynski Institute in Houston.”
“…peptides help heal the cells at a cellular level…
“…replacing peptides…promotes healing and at the same time reenergizes the body’s own system.”

Mary's testing and appointments at MD Anderson were completed as of last night. What we have learned this week….

1. Additional carcinoid tumors on Mary's liver were discovered, more than 5. One out of the two original carcinoid tumors on the liver has increased in size by .5 mm since May of this year. Dr. Yao considers the disease to be stabilized, meaning it hasn't grown more than 20%.

2. Dr. Yao classified Mary's carcinoid cancer as being stage 4 and has recommended Octreotide / Somatostatin radiation treatments starting next week. He did not recommend any further surgeries. She is not eligible for any clinical trials at MD Anderson.

3. Mary is considering peptide treatments from the Burzynski Institute in Houston. Unlike radiation which masks both good and bad cells, peptides help heal the cells at a cellular level by a process called mylanation. When the body is sick peptides become depleted, by replacing peptides into the system it promotes healing and at the same time reenergizes the body’s own system. Peptides are part of an approved regimen of what is being used to treat Carcinoid patients in other parts of the world. They are being used in clinical trials in this country.

It is also possible that one of or both of the treatment options above will be utilized. We are looking forward to being home Monday where and when we will continue to live, love and enjoy family and friends every day, every month, and every year. Thank you to you all again for your kind words of encouragement, your thoughts and your prayers during what is a challenging time.

We have an appt with Dr. Lonergan (Matt) on Thurs next week. We will go over the treatment options, including Switzerland with him and then decide what to proceed with first. Our strong leanings are to start at The Burzynski Institute.

From all of us...

Chapter 21 - This Isn't Supposed to Happen to People Like Me, Right? - June 17

2010-03-29T23:51:00.002-07:00

“It took a ton out of me and 17 lbs. off my little body.”
“I plan on living to see my 4-year-old son grown.”
“Be good to one another.”

Hello,

First and foremost, thank all of you for your calls, cards and well wishes. Not one of them has gone unnoticed. They all have brought smiles to my face and tenderness to my heart.

I would love to have told you about our planned journey to S. Africa that was supposed to have happened in late May but it didn't happen. Instead, I wound up in ER 5 days before our trip unable to stop vomiting. I had emergency surgery the next day for an obstructed bowel. The obstruction was caused by the cancer. They removed a large portion of my small intestine and small bowel and just as a precaution they took my appendix. I spent 9 days (yes I am counting right) in the hospital. I will tell you it was grueling. No one should have to be in a hospital that long. It took a ton out of me and 17 lbs. off my little body. It has taken me until now to feel some semblance of normal. I am recovering. I am feeling better and it does appear there is light at the end of the tunnel. I did gain a lb. last week. As little as that sounds it is finally the right direction.

My family and I will go to Houston, to M D Anderson sometime in July. Many of you probably know that M D Anderson is a cancer specialty hospital. Because the kind of cancer I have is so rare there isn't anyone here that specializes in it so the docs are sending us to Dr Yao. It is all he treats. The cancer is called Carcinoid Cancer. Most people have never heard of it. There is a good chance I will have yet another surgery to try to remove more of the cancer. That would be the 4th surgery this year. It is getting VERY OLD.

I will fight with all I have and my family of course is right there beside me. I married the most amazing man on the planet I am happy to tell you. I plan on living to see my 4-year-old son grown. This of course has been hard on all of us. This isn't supposed to happen to people like me, right? I have lived long enough to know bad things happen to good people all the time. We will make the best of it and I believe good will come from it. Most of you know me well enough to know my cup has always been more than 1/2 full. As tough as all this is my, cup is more than 1/2 full.

All of your love, light, prayers and support are needed and deeply appreciated. I will stay in touch and let you know how I am doing and would LOVE the same from you.

Be good to one another. My love,
Mary

Chapter 20 - Discharged - May 30

2010-03-29T23:51:00.001-07:00

We just found out Mary is being discharged this afternoon!

Chapter 19 - Closer to Normal - May 29

2010-03-29T23:50:00.000-07:00

“ ...God gave Mary Starbucks.”

And on the 8th day..... God gave Mary Starbucks.

Little things continue to make this closer to normal... and even closer to home.

I say Saturday, Mary says Sunday. We will see what the doctors say.

JI

Chapter 18 - Infection - May 28

2010-03-29T23:49:00.002-07:00

“Once again glad she is not hooked to an IV in Richards Bay, South Africa.”

Friends and Family,

Not the news we were looking for. A small step backward this morning with an infection that is around the incision spot. Dr. Johnson indicated that it is more normal than not for emergency colon surgeries to develop for obvious reasons. Once again glad she is not hooked to an IV in Richards Bay, South Africa. Good old fashioned made in the USA/FDA approved antibiotics today and Friday will continue to help with the healing.

Goal for Friday - Solid foods for breakfast. Rest, rest, rest.
Goal for Saturday - Take Mary off the morphine drip. Rest, rest, rest.
Goal for the weekend - Go HOME + rest, rest, rest in her own bed.

JI

Chapter 17 - More Rest - May 27

2010-03-29T23:49:00.001-07:00

“Mary is a slowed heartbeat away from being released.”
“Evergreen will soon be in the rear view mirror….”

Family and Friends,

More rest and recovery yesterday and today. Less pain medicine has been needed, more exercise is being completed and all of the "other things" that had to happen are giving Mary a chance for release Thursday.

Nurse rumor has it Mary is a slowed heartbeat away from being released. 7 days at Evergreen will soon be in the rear view mirror... needless to say Mary is looking forward to going home.

JI

Chapter 16 - Recovery - May 26

2010-03-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

“Long afternoon naps and quiet time was exactly what the Dr. ordered today.”

Friends/Family,

Much more rested and comfortable this evening compared to earlier today and the evening before. Mary was pulled off of food and was back to eating ice when she/we finally got the break we were rooting for (one step back two steps forward).

Goal #2 from yesterday was achieved!!! It helped relieve most of the discomfort that kept her awake and also helped slow her heart a bit. Long afternoon naps and quiet time was exactly what the Dr. ordered today. In between Mary did another 6-8 laps.... Goal for Wednesday 10 laps, estimated departure day from hospital hopefully will be Thursday afternoon or Friday morning.

Scheduled for University of Texas M.D. Anderson Hospital from June 10th-19th in Houston, Texas @ MD Anderson where they will run tests all week (no surgery scheduled, only tests).

We discussed flying away to sun and a sandy beach hopefully in early July prior to the next procedure.

Thanks for all the emails and well wishes.

Jeff

Chapter - 15 - Rest - May 25

2010-03-29T23:47:00.002-07:00

“…healing body parts.”

Friends and Family,

We are requesting no hospital visitors today and Wednesday at the hospital. Mary's sleep is being interrupted by healing body parts.

Thank you and we will keep everyone posted via the nightly update.

Jeff

Chapter 14 - Special Request - May 24

2010-03-29T23:47:00.001-07:00

“Her sniffer is working again?”

We have a special request.... Please refrain from wearing perfumes, cologne and or scented lotions when visiting Mary. Her sniffer is working again? I don't know... this was her midnight request last evening.

Jeff

Chapter 13 - A Better Day - May 23

2010-03-29T23:46:00.001-07:00

“That smile is back.... “
“Today a rest pattern resumed.... “

Friends and Family,

That smile is back..... Overall a better day for Mary. Good test results came back from the Gastroenterologists... She is not allergic to wheat (no celiac disease as previously thought) and also no further concern about the possibility of Barrettes Syndrome in her throat or belly. She was able to rid herself from the hagioscope today (no more tube down the throat). She is drinking liquids today and hopefully will start eating soft foods Sunday or Monday.

This morning Mary asked me for water two times, 10 minutes apart. The second time she asked for it I could not remember where I left it... when Mary pointed and reminded me where I put it. That's when I knew she was getting better.

According to her doctors we could be at Evergreen anywhere from another 2-5 days, depending on her healing process. Today a rest pattern resumed... sleeps for 1-2 hours and is awake and visiting with friends for 1-2 hours. Although her heart rate is still twice as fast as it normally is (100-110 beats per minute) it is better.

Shannon, Caleb, Bobbie and Pat thank you for having Cole down south spend his time with his "brother" Riley who is really (his favorite 1st cousins once removed). We both miss him and look forward to seeing him together soon.

Everyone enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Jeff

Chapter 12 - Emergency Surgery - May 22

2010-03-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

“…the original characinoid tumor in fact was what was causing the pain.”
“My Mary is fortunate to have you all be... who you are, in your own separate ways. “
“We will continue to fight this fight….”

Family and Friends,

My apologies in advance for what will be a sleep deprived update.

We wanted to bring everyone up to speed on the latest. Last night Mary's stomach pain reached a whole new level during which she started vomiting... Soon after we found ourselves at the ER before 7PM. Mary was admitted to Evergreen Hospital with blocked bowel by 10PM. After a night of very little if any sleep we decided on surgery as soon as Dr. Johnson became available. It was determined by the physician team that the original characinoid tumor in fact was what was causing the pain. Surgery started at 2:00pm and went until after 4:00pm.

During surgery they removed Mary’s appendix, a set of lymph nodes, the carcinoid tumor, 25-50 cm of distal small bowel, 25cm-50cm of her colon and a small batch of stud carcinoid growths off her remaining bowel prior to sewing her back up.

Needless to say Mary’s much anticipated trip to South Africa will be put on hold until later on in the year. Thank God that Mary’s bowel acted up Wednesday and Thursday instead of later on next week, I could not imagine finding a qualified physician in the Greater Zulu Nyala Gaming Reserve. This is the second time Mary has been delayed on her African Safari dream trip (the 1st time was a trip scheduled to depart on September 21st 2001).

Assuming her healing from today’s surgery goes according to plan the visit to MD Anderson in Houston, TX will go on as scheduled from June 10th-19th.

My Mary is fortunate to have you all be... who you are, in your own separate ways. I say thank you, again, and again. We will continue to fight this fight like we have done so far. We are all one, one united group of Friends and Family who will continue to watch this amazing person who we all know... Mary.

Jeff

Chapter 11 - This Sucks! - May 5

2010-03-29T23:44:00.000-07:00

“I am writing again with a very heavy heart.”
“What this all means is they will be working to prolong my life.”
“As sad and as frightened as I am, I must tell you that I am also relieved...to have an answer.”

Dear Family and Friends

I am writing again with a very heavy heart. We got the results back today and they are not good. The cancer is in my small bowel, liver, right shoulder (bone). There is a questionable spot in my left lymph node in the clavicle/neck area. The largest tumor is in or on my small bowel which leads the Doc to believe that that is the origin of the cancer.

I won't go into all the details tonight because I am tired and most of them don't matter much at this point. The next step is the doc wants to send me to MD Anderson in Houston to see Dr. Yao, one of the leading experts in the world. Matt (Oncologist) has already contacted them, faxed them a letter and spoken with Yao's PA. Matt's nurse will call me tomorrow with the info from MD Anderson. We will go and most likely have all the tests run again by them. A pain in the neck but also understandable. Dr Yao will take that info to his cancer board and they will decide IF/when they will do surgery. The IF is because they stop doing surgeries after 3-4 organs are involved because the body can't take it. What they are talking about in my case is uterus, bowel, liver, bone and lymph. They could easily say no! If they won't do surgery Matt wants me to come home and arrange for me to go to Switzerland for the radiotherapy by a man named Muellar. It may also be that I do both. The next step is to go to MD Anderson. If we can get an appt before we go to S. Africa we will do that. If not it will all be here when we get home.

What this all means is they will be working to prolong my life. That range is huge so there is hope. It spreads from months to decades. Obviously that isn't a pretty picture but we will do everything in our power to keep me healthy and ALIVE. My son needs his mommy and my husband needs his wife. My family and friends all want me around to.

As sad and as frightened as I am, I must tell you that I am also relieved. Relieved to have an answer as to what will happen next. Knowing something is better to me than waiting and not knowing. I may change my mind about that, but for now I am relieved.

Once again, I don't know what you can do for any of us other than pray, send white light etc. ETC.

My love to you all. Take your D.
Mary

Chapter 10 - It Seems Impossible - April 21

2010-03-29T23:43:00.000-07:00

“…they found a cancerous tumor…called a Carcinoid tumor….”
“Obviously something isn’t working right in my body to have 2 different kinds of cancer.”
“I don't think I can adequately describe how this feels.”
“I want to snuggle with my son and sit next to my husband on the couch.”
“You can of course pray till your blue, for all of us.”

Good Morning everyone,

Jeff and I left for Utah on Monday morning, got there, turned around and came home the same day. The Gynecologist (Pat Morell) that removed my Ovaries called with the pathology report and it wasn't good. Much to our SURPRISE they found a cancerous tumor in my ovary and cancerous tissue in the fallopian tube. The doctors are also shocked. It is not Ovarian cancer, which is VERY good thing and it isn't breast cancer. It is called a Carcinoid tumor, which originates from some place else in my body, meaning it has metastasized, which of course is the bad news. They suspect that it is from the appendix or the small intestine. It is a GI tract cancer that you seldom, if ever, hear about. There are only 3 Docs in the country doing research on it.

Yesterday I went in to get some blood work done. I will collect urine for 24 hrs. They are doing further testing on the tumor they have. For now that is all they can do until the swelling in my abdomen has gone down. On the 29th of this month the testing process will start all over again. As of today I know they will do an MRI, Octreotide Scan (sophisticated radioactive dye test) and an ultra sound.

The CT scan that was done in Jan showed 2 spots on my liver that they weren't worried about. The Liver is the spot this kind of cancer metastases to first, most often. Nothing else showed so they are on a search for the original tumor. When they find the place of origin they will operate, yet again, to remove as much as they can.

Obviously something isn’t working right in my body to have 2 different kinds of cancer. The docs consider all (3) the breast cancers I had as 1 kind of cancer now. I plan on finding out what the common denominators are and fixing them.

I don't think I can adequately describe how this feels. The wind was taken out of our sails, sucker punched, our bubble was burst and on and on I could go. I am certain I haven't cried this much since my father died 26 years ago. I am scared, sickened and feel beat to a bloody pulp. I'm sure you get the picture. In light of that, I know you are all going to want to know what you can do for us. Mostly I have no idea. What I want most immediately is quiet time alone with my family. I want to snuggle with my son and sit next to my husband on the couch. I want to stare off into space, say and do nothing. I want to sleep. I am going to ask that people not call or come by for a couple of weeks. I can't handle anything more than this right now. We need time to regroup and shore up our resources. You can of course pray till your blue, for all of us. Jeff or I will contact you when I come out of hibernation. I do plan on going back to work next week. I am healing fine from the Oopherectomy.

Jeff and I will go on our trip to Africa as planned the end of May. I am looking very forward to it and will postpone surgery if necessary.

My love to you all,
Mary

Chapter 9 - How's Your D? - March 28

2010-03-29T23:42:00.001-07:00

“The idea of having 3 surgeries in a year doesn't thrill me as you might imagine.”
“…surgery is April 15th. Yep, tax day.”

Hello everyone,

We finally have all the test results back and have a plan of action. The benefits don't outweigh the risk. My BRCA test (the genetic one) came back neg. Very good news for my family as a whole. It means I am not at higher risk (70%) for ovarian cancer. I will be on an aromatase inhibitor, an anti estrogen drug, for 5 years. In order to take the best of those drugs I either have to be on an additional drug for 5 years or I have to have my ovaries out. The additional drug is a nasty one that 98% of people that take it have side affects. I will have my ovaries out. It is a day surgery and I will be home by mid afternoon on the same day. It is a simple procedure that is done laproscopically. I won't have any stitches and I will only be off work for about a week. They will send the ovaries to pathology as routine procedure but have no concerns that they will find anything. Within the following 2 weeks they will start me on the anti estrogen drug. Every 3 months, for a year, I will have an ultrasound on my chest to make sure there is no cancer lingering.
The idea of having 3 surgeries in a year doesn't thrill me as you might imagine. The 3rd will be reconstruction. When I think about it I feel very weary, along with some dread. So I am trying to stick with the next indicated step. I won't have reconstruction until later in the year so that my body can recover more fully from the first 2 surgeries. I can still feel the effects of the anesthesia mostly on my already challenged memory. I didn't notice it until I returned to work. If I forget your names in the next few months forgive me.

Our house has returned to normal for the most part and we are all doing pretty well. Jeff is traveling some again and has spent the better portion of this week in Nashville. Cole and I went to Monster vs. Aliens yesterday. He sat on my lap most of the movie. Too bad that can't continue forever. Angie finished her biology class with a B+. YEA AUNT G! Jeff and I are going to South Africa the end of May and are looking very forward to it. That will certainly help me feel like my life, as I knew it, has returned.

Almost forgot, surgery is April 15th. Yep, tax day.

The Ibach household sends its love and blessings to all of you. We couldn't have done this without ALL of you.

Mary

Chapter 8 - Moving Rather Slowly - February 25

2010-03-29T23:41:00.000-07:00

“I GOT TO SHOWER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH! LAAAAA.”
“Got to say LOVED the word ‘dissected’ as it referred to MY body.”
“Cole is really glad that mommy can sleep with him again. Mommy is too.”

Hi Everyone,

I have been moving rather slowly. I don't have as much energy as my mind keeps trying to tell me I do. I have gone back to work this week but have only managed to work 1/2 days. I am still hopeful that tomorrow I can do a full day. We will see. My iron is low so that doesn't help things much. I am certainly improving despite the low energy. I can lift my left arm straight over my head and almost have full range of motion back in that arm. I only started the exercises on my right arm today and don't expect it will take any longer in my right arm than it did in my left. My chest, sides and back remain tender but there is noticeable improvement there as well.

I am VERY HAPPY to tell you I got my drain out yesterday afternoon. It had been in a month. Yes, a month. I GOT TO SHOWER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH! LAAAAA. I really did sing LAAA when I got into that down pour of warm luxurious water. You just can't know what that meant to me. Tomorrow I can take a bath. I'm live’n now.

I don't have much news in the way of treatment. We have met with the Oncologist, Matt Lonergan, but can't do any further testing without insurance approval. The tests, BRAC 1 & 2, ONCO DX are incredibly expensive and that apparently takes longer to get approval for. Matt did run a simplified version of the ONCO DX test that shows the % of benefit to chemo and hormone therapy. Hormone therapy shows a much greater % of benefit than chemo. Matt gave us a lot of information and several ways to think about all of it. He said hormone therapy is necessary and chemo is a personal choice. If the % of benefit from chemo were 5% or more he would see it as necessary. From his calculations chemo is 3%. He pointed out that 1% of people that do chemo die from it and that needs to be considered. He also pointed out that if I had a breast cancer recurrence it wouldn't kill me. It would be a recurrence that again would be very treatable. If we did decide to do chemo I wouldn't feel 'well' for a year. So he wasn't pushing chemo. When we went to the surgeon Jeff asked her if it were her, given what she knows, would she have chemo? She said no with having "dissected the breasts from here to here to around your back" (she pointed to her collar bone to under where the breasts used to be) there is no breast tissue left. She also felt the 'bang for your buck' didn't outweigh the risk or side effects. Got to say LOVED the word dissected as it referred to MY body. GROSS! Bottom line we don't/won't know what is next until the testing is all done. However, if everything remained the same as it is today we would not do chemo. More wait and see. We see the Geneticist on March 9th, Matt on the 10th and Marion Johnson (surgeon) on the 12th.

Jeff and I are going to Vegas tomorrow for a long weekend. Jeff planned this over a year ago as a surprise. Because it has been planned for so long we are going to go. Jeff may go to the races on Sunday but I will stay at the hotel and read or have a message. We are looking forward to being away just the two of us after all of this. Aunt G is watching Cole for us. Thanks G. You are my hero! Cole is really glad that mommy can sleep with him again. Mommy is too.

Hoping this find all of you happy and healthy. Again thank you for all of your love and prayers. We feel blessed beyond measure.

Mary

Chapter 7 - Had Your D Checked? - February 13

2010-03-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

“I will prevail….”

Hi,
I am doing fine. Didn't get the second drain out yesterday and didn't even beg. HA, knew it wouldn't do me any good! Have started doing my exercises, too on my left arm. WOW is it amazing what you lose. I will prevail however. Can't wait to be able to exercise again.

Love,
Mary

Chapter 6 - Have You Taken Your D? - February 11

2010-03-29T23:39:00.000-07:00

“Having one more 'thing' gone, out of my body, helps me to feel more normal.”
“He can't wait for mommy to crawl back in bed with him. Mommy can't wait either.”
“Jeff remains my rock….”

Good morning everyone,

I wanted to update everyone on the happenings in the Ibach household.

I have had a few setbacks but nothing that has been a major problem. I got an infection in my left drain and have a mambo hematoma on my right side. Neither is unusual just more time consuming. The surgeon put me on antibiotics for 10 days and the hematoma is just going to take time. I did get the left drain removed two days ago, huuraahh. It made a big difference in my comfort level. Having one more 'thing' gone, out of my body, helps me to feel more normal. My range of motion sucks but that is temporary. I don't know how long I will have the right drain. It doesn't bother me the way the left one did so it's okay.

No treatments have started yet. I did speak to the medical oncologist, Dr Lonergan. We haven't met him yet (Feb 20th). He called me at 9:15pm one night last week. We talked for 45 mins. I have been taken care of by Evergreen Hosp and staff in ways I didn't know still existed. They are AMAZING. I have offered to be their poster child. I digress! Doc Lonergan hadn't seen the pathology report yet so he asked me to read parts of it to him. He reinforced that I had made the best decision possible and that the path report sounded really good. He asked a lot of questions and said he wants me to have further testing, some genetic and some probability. The genetic testing will be BRAC 1 & 2. Those test for ovarian cancer. He said because of the breast cancer and my northern European descent I am more likely to have ovarian cancer. If either of those comes back positive I will have my ovaries removed. The probability testing is plugging in my history into a national data bank that statistically analyzes the probability of a cancer reoccurrence. They then give you the increased % of help that chemotherapy would be. (WHEW, that was a tough sentence to put together. Hope it made sense). They will put me on an estrogen blocker for 5 years, though that may change if I had my ovaries removed. Not sure about that, just a guess. As you can see there is more to come and we don't have an end in sight yet.

The rest of the family. Cole hasn't gone down any more laundry chutes nor do we anticipate he will ever again. He has been very good at the 'soft hugs' that Aunt Jani taught him. He did tell his teacher yesterday that mommy can't pick him up anymore because she has 'ouies'. He can't wait for mommy to crawl back in bed with him. Mommy can't wait either. He has been more sensitive than normal which is to be expected. A loud noise last night brought him to tears. It scared him. We are just trying to love him more.

Jeff remains my rock and I know he has to be exhausted by all of this. He gets the husband of a lifetime award. Not only did I get a young stud I also got an amazing man.

Angie has been a doll. Not that that is new but greatly appreciated. She is doing laundry, cleaning, entertaining Cole, grocery shopping, hauling me around and smiling that beautiful smile she has. I adore her. She gets to go to Austin TX today to see a friend. It will be a nice break for her to hang out on 6th St. A music mecca in the south. The weather is also much nicer there this time of year.

I have not been bored as I feared. I have very much enjoyed my time either in person or on the phone with all of you. Your meals have kept me from losing weight which I was concerned about. So thank you again. My attitude remains good as I have a great deal to be thankful for. I won't bore you with the list but trust me it is long.

My love to you all and AGAIN THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING,
Mary

Chapter 5 - HALLELUAH, AMEN & THANK THE LORD - February 3

2010-03-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

“You don't realize you’re holding your breath until you exhale.”
“It is damned hard to not use your arms.”
“I don't for a second feel like I/We are in this alone. May you all be blessed for this.”

To my INCREDIBLE Family and Friends'

I finally have good news. It was our turn! The pathology report came back and there is NO cancer in my lymph nodes, thank the Lord. The stage is #1, thank the Lord. The skilled surgeon was also able to get wide enough margins, quite unexpectedly, so I don't have to have radiation. That one gets a HALLELUAH , AMEN & THANK THE LORD. Thank you Dr. Johnson. They said she was the best.

We are relieved to say the least. You don't realize you’re holding your breath until you exhale. We have exhaled.

The doc removed my pain pump yesterday, without me realizing she had, until she walked away with it in hand. I can certainly tell a difference without it. What didn't bother me before, like reaching for a Kleenex, I can now feel. It has slowed my movements way down which will ultimately help me heal faster. It is damned hard to not use your arms. The reaction is so automatic. I go back to the surgeon on Thurs to have her try to drain a quite large hematoma on my right side. That is the only appt. we have scheduled right now.

I know there is a lot more to come, but for today we are VERY PLEASED.

You all have made our lives much easier through this by your gracious help and loving support. It has made a tremendous difference for Jeff & Angie to not have to worry about preparing meals. The flowers, cards, desserts, books and music have made things much brighter for me. I don't for a second feel like I/We are in this alone. May you all be blessed for this.

An update on Cole. He did go down the laundry chute (I am just learning to spell) on purpose. He had been throwing Aunt Jani's clean cloths down the chute and it got plugged. He 'was unplugging it'. That night when they were saying prayers Aunt Jani said "thank you Jesus for keeping us all safe today". Cole said "excuse me Aunt Jani but Jesus didn't keep me safe today". You gotta love it. Cole has a lovely bruise on his cheek and chin. His tongue is even bruised. But, laundry chutes have lost their attraction.

Meant to mention in my last update that cousin Monica gets the Cousin of the Century award for having ‘Goodbye Earl dedicated’ to me during surgery, from the radio station she works for. She is the daughter of the Aunt of the Century. Cut from the same cloth. I love you both. Thank you.

I will keep you posted. My love to you all,
Mary

Chapter 4 - I Am Home! - January 31

2010-03-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

“The night nurse (Heather) and NA were like a military Special Forces team. “
“My first thought was ‘Oh my GOD, THEY ARE ALL HERE’. “
“….I am married to the most wonderful man on the planet.”
“OH and you have to know, Cole went down Aunt Jani and Uncle Brent's laundry shoot yesterday. Head first.”

Good Morning Everyone,

I am Home! It is good to be here. We returned home yesterday about noon. I stayed in the hospital an extra night due to the anesthesia and pain meds they had me on. My system didn't like either. I am 100% better than I was. I am not experiencing much pain at all, mostly discomfort at the tightness in my chest. Lying down is also awkward. I have managed to go about 36 hrs without any pain meds. We are on the right track. I seem to have gadgets everywhere (one being my IPod so it isn't all bad) but it is temporary.

I only had my Sentinel Lymph Nodes removed. No large group had to come out. The pathology report won't be back until Mon or Tues. We see the surgeon on Mon afternoon and she hopes to have the report by then.

We were treated very well at the hospital. The first night in the room the hospital staff was very kind and efficient. The night nurse (Heather) and NA were like a military Special Forces team. They swooped in, got the job done and disappeared. The nurse was British to the hilt, including the WHITE nurse’s dress with WHITE stockings and WHITE shoes. She only lacked the WHITE hat. She and nursing assistant were VERY SERIOUS about their jobs. When they change shifts someone comes in and writes the names of the new nurse and NA on the white board along with the date. Heather marched in and in perfect handwriting wrote names and date. In the middle of the night I kept looking at the white board at the date. It looked like she had written Feb. 29th (it was Jan 29th). I knew that couldn't be. Nurse Heather would not have made that kind of mistake. Come daylight, much to my surprise, nurse Heather had in fact made that kind of mistake. Astonishing. Day two when I stopped being sick the staff had a miraculous transformation. They were suddenly quite funny. The evening Nurse Dat (yes that was his name) started joking with Jeff and by the end of the evening he had everyone laughing. Nurse Heather was back with her English humor at hand. In the early morning trip into the room she began admiring my glasses, moved on to my phone and landed on my IPod. She then said with her delightful British accent, “Well goodness is there anything else I could admire?” I just could NOT resist and I had to tell her about her date mistake and the fact I thought all night long, there is no way Special Forces nurse Heather could have made that mistake. We all laughed and she said, "Well that really is funny because I generally don't.” We knew that of course! I laughed so much in that 16hr period I no longer had to use the breathing machine to get the junk out of my lungs. Of course the few friends I got to see in that time frame made me laugh to. I came home in good shape.

To my knowledge no one was asked to leave the hospital!!! Seeing all of you standing there as I came out of recovery was a site. My first thought was "Oh my GOD, THEY ARE ALL HERE". It made my heart soar.

One last thing before I sign off. In case you hadn't noticed I am married to the most wonderful man on the planet. He has been unwavering in his strength, tenderness, compassion and LOVE. I am sure you noticed. Words cannot describe how I feel about this man.

OH and you have to know, Cole went down Aunt Jani and Uncle Brent's laundry shoot yesterday. Head first. Yep, head first. Did he mean to? Jani doesn't think so. Jeff and I aren't so sure. He is fine but it did shake him for a couple of minutes.

My love and thanks to you all,
Mary

Chapter 2 - Have You Taken Your D? - January 22

2010-03-29T23:34:00.000-07:00

“One thing I want you all to know. I HATE PINK. “
“In a heartbeat our life as we knew it has changed.”

Family and Friends;

HAVE YOU TAKEN YOUR D? You also HAVE to have your levels checked to make sure you are getting enough which depends on how depleted you were/are. As my dad used to say, not all vitamins are created equally.

I have completed all the tests they have asked for and have scheduled surgery for Jan 28th. I will be in the hospital overnight. The surgery will take place at Evergreen Hosp. Which reminds me, many of you know me by Blackburn and I go by Ibach at home. The hosp. has my married name so if you are looking for me its Ibach.

Many of you have asked how they found the tumors. Annual routine screening. The name of the cancer is infiltrating ductile carcinoma and the stage of the cancer won't be determined until after the surgery.

One thing I want you all to know. I HATE PINK. I am a red head. I don't look good in pink, around or near pink. It is fine with me if you love pink. You probably look good in it. I DON'T. So NO PINK. ANYTHING. PLEASE. When you get your biopsies at Evergreen they give you a rose. Guess what color they are? Yep PINK. The breast cancer ribbon? Yep PINK. Everything on the planet associated with breast cancer is of course PINK. Did I tell you I HATE PINK? So yesterday Angie texts me to ask how the procedure went (I got your back G) and I respond with "fine, did tell you I hate PINK". She says "so that new PINK bra I got you I should probably take back"? I said "unless you'd like it to be flying from your car antennae". I of course thought she was kidding. OH NO she wasn't. It is PINK polka dots with lace......................... She said "do you like it"? The cup size I liked: 38C. Get the picture? Thank you.

Cole will be going to Aunt Jani and Uncle Brent’s for 3-4 days so he doesn't have to see mom and be worried. It will also get him away from the worst of it and Jeff won't have to worry constantly about Cole jumping on me. We will have to be vigilant when he comes home. He had his tonsils out late last year so he understands what surgery is. I am really grateful for that. It was a good experience for him, at the hosp, so he doesn't have any scary thoughts in there.

Thank you all truly for all your love and support. We have the greatest family and friends. This hasn't been easy, nor is it going to be, but your love and concern has been touching and helpful. It has been a bonus to be in touch with so many of you. In a heartbeat our life as we knew it has changed. Temporary as it may be we will do everything in our power to have it make us better people. Jeff and I both believe good will come from this, some already has and we expect it to continue. This is not going to kill me. I have the utmost confidence in the docs and the hosp.

Keep sending the love,
Mary

Chapter 1 - A Breast Cancer Diagnosis - January 15

2010-03-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

“I know I am not going to die from this so it just seems like a GIANT pain in the ass.”

“…get your D checked. That’s what you can do for me cuz I know you’re going to ask.”

“Evergreen has a 2% reoccurrence rate. The national average is 16%. “

Family and Friends,

I struggle with how to start a letter that bares bad news. There really isn't any good way. On Weds this week I received a breast cancer diagnosis. I had a mammogram in Dec. They sent me a letter asking me to come back which I did on Jan 9TH for another mammogram and ultrasound. At that appointment they determined I needed a biopsy which was Tues. of this last week. Weds they called with the news. Thurs Jeff and I saw a Radiology Oncologist. Yesterday I had an MRI, EKG, blood work and saw a surgeon. This coming Mon. I will have a CT scan. I have 3 tumors in my left breast. The docs have said "where there are 3 there are more". There are 2 suspicious areas on my right breast, missed by mammogram, picked up on the MRI. Those areas will be biopsied on Weds next week. On Friday we will talk with the surgeon and schedule surgery. Surgeries are on Weds. Because there are more than 2 tumors the docs recommend a mastectomy. If there is cancer in my right breast I will have a double mastectomy. They don't believe my lymph nodes are involved but my left nodes are asymmetrical. They will be biopsied at the time of surgery. Without lymph involvement I won't have to have radiation or chemo which I am VERY HAPPY about. With lymph involvement it is a whole new ball game where treatment is concerned.

The docs and treatment are at Evergreen Hosp in Kirkland. I am in extremely competent hands. Evergreen has a 2% reoccurrence rate. The national average is 16%. They have been unbelievable in every way imaginable. When the Doc (Carlson, Radiologist) called with the diagnosis she had 2 appts sent up for me already. I have not had to make one appt or call one Doc. They have done it ALL for me. They have already checked insurance and all the Docs have spoken to one another. It has been remarkable. I have asked several people that are in the medical field who they would go to if... and the names I have gotten consistently are Carlson, Hunter and or Taylor, Johnson and Cascadia Medical Oncology. The people I saw before I knew who others would see are: Carlson, Hunter, and Johnson with my next stop at Cascadia. Funny how that works isn't it.

We have learned a lot already and are a bit overwhelmed with info at this point. What has been driven home however is the necessity for EVERYONE in the STATE of WA to have their Vit D levels checked. The short version is vit D aids in the 'natural' life process of cells. When you don't have D cells don't die and get eliminated as they should. That allows them to change forms and become cancerous. They are suspecting D is involved in our high rates of MS, Parkinson’s and Heart disease in this area. The Oncologist said "We know it contributes to Seattle and the state having the HIGHEST rates of breast and colon cancer in the country." NOT JUST SEATTLE. Get the message. It has to do with our longitude on the earth’s axis. Don't ask me anymore questions, it’s all I know. But get your D checked. That’s what you can all do for me cuz I know you’re going to ask. Get you D checked.

How am I? Tired and annoyed. Angie laughs or shakes her head when I say that. But it’s true. I am annoyed. I know I am not going to die from this so it just seems a GIANT pain in the ass. I am not afraid of pain and generally have a pretty high tolerance to it. Of course I have no idea what this pain will be like. I hate disrupting my life, my family’s life and my practice. I don't especially like having to tell all of you bad news. I will get over it. Hmmm Maybe. What will happen is I will get well. I will take care of myself. I worry about Jeff, Cole and Angie. They will be the most deeply affected by this as they will have to watch it all. It is hard to watch someone you love suffer. If you can do anything for me it is to make sure the 3 of them are well taken care of through this. And take your D (if I am going to be annoyed I might as well annoy you). Obviously you can pray for the 4 of us, in any way that works for you. I am not picky about prayer type.

Take your D
Mary